Im not sure how to structure this, and its the 4th time I’ve tried to write this but I think its too important not to share, as raw as possible.
A few days ago, I had a discussion with someone about faith.
What started as a casual and informal conversation evolved into an exploration of this person’s entire belief systems, their wirings, and what caused them to be that way. This person had suffered quite an unjust and unfair event in their school years and never fully recovered from it. They bought into the widespread notion that if there was a God, a benevolent being, a divinity to the universe, then they wouldn’t have let this unfair event happen to them. Or there would’ve been a clear reason from it.
This is a thought that even the most devoted of followers have considered at some point in their journeys. You and me, and everyone around us have had this exact thought.
I tried my best to open their model of the world but ironically the event has caused this person’s attitude and being to become incredibly obdurate when it comes to opinions like this. Something at least they are aware of and can have a laugh about, but it keeps them caged in this self-fulfilling cycle of faithlessness, where the event that caused their faithlessness has made them so rigid in their world view that they cannot begin to believe again. A classic but unfortunate trauma response that keeps them unknowingly trapped.
The irony is, if this person just had a small bit of faith, of belief, something to hold onto and water until it grew, then it would release them from the binds of this event that keeps them feraful. The rigid worldview they have now, where there is no magic to the universe – because how could it be that cruel? – is, I think, a way of them coping without having to face a harsh truth. A truth that the universe is indifferent on such a microscale, that bad things happen, that bad things have to happen in order for the great web of nature’s design to be completed. That sacrifices must be made, and their peace was one of them. It’s not a comforting thought from many perspectives, and it advocates for many people to shy away from facing the possibility of its truthfulness.
The conversation meandered from different thought experiments and scenarios that tested the narrative that this person clung so strongly unto. With each passing one, their ways out and methods for deflection became increasingly foundationless, confirming to me that this outlook of theirs to have been undeniably a scared and hurt child’s only way to escape what they were being put through. Rage turned inwards, with no other outlets.
I didn’t want to preach my own beliefs during this moment of vulnerability from them, however I did offer the Stoic, philosophical and Pantheistic views and methods to dealing with things like this as respectfully as i could. It didn’t all go to waste. Afterwards, they said they appreciated my help and that while their view wasn’t changed, I offered perspectives and ideas that they hadn’t considered. More subtly than id hoped, I guess I succeeded in expanding their worldview. Everyone must discover their own faith for themselves, I believe, and the strongest faiths are those that withstand cross examination and debate from people who have opposing views. Although this conversation was mainly about them, I walked away feeling ever so confident in my own beliefs and choices.
However, this all roots back to how cripplingly limiting a closed mindset can be. It is keeping this person from moving on and growing fully, because they still cannot accept what happened, and are losing themselves in looking for an answer to “Why?”. A prison forged from pain, and one that keeps us there. I hope that the things I said and the different examples I gave, which were legion, have embedded themselves deep within this person’s subconscious so that one day, when they aren’t expecting it, my words will tip the balance of their self-infused dogma just enough for a creeping of doubt. A doubt that could grow into a question, and a question that could spark growth, and eventually freedom from the chains in which they are currently bound.
“How can a jury be asked to disregard what its already heard?” It can’t. Do you understand?
Thanks to everything I’ve studied, and my NLP course I believe I have made a positive start to this person’s recovery. It has not gone in a direction that I expected, but I know that when I speak to them again, the seeds I have planted will still be there, I just need to water them. The universe is indifferent, and the path is already laid out for us, all we can do is choose how we walk it.
Its called a Leap of Faith, but I think more people need to make the Leap to Faith. I have never heard of anyone who has said they regretted it.